This is my magic trick. Every time I desperately need to release some negative blocks, I use this technique.
There are only two rules:
You CANNOT be easy on yourself when writing things down;
You have to write, thinking is not enough;
The main point of this exercise is to finally admit what are you ashamed of, what scares you the most, what you really think about yourself or fear that others think about you.
Go for that deep, scary thought, that whisper that tells you things that are hard to swallow. That one thought that makes you uncomfortably embarrassed or even hurt. That carefully hidden “truth” that would end you if other people found out about. You know, the one that would let them in on how unperfect you really are, how much you don’t have it together, how much you screwed up, how out of character you behaved that one time or another. Chase the thoughts that you normally run away from.
We all live by appearances. We want other people to think we’re doing great. We want to be cool and perfect in other people’s eyes, and there is nothing wrong with that. But if you are doing this (and most of us are), you also live by the same appearances in front of yourself without even realizing it. Of course you “know” that you’re not entirely perfect, and you don’t always have it together. Many of us are even brave enough to tell our parents or best friends “all” of our fears and worries. But think about it for a second… do you really tell them everything? I know that there are certain things you never told anyone, and it’s not because you don’t trust them to keep your secrets. You haven’t told anyone because most likely you haven’t even accepted those thoughts in your own head.
I have discovered this technique by chance many years ago. At that time, I was running away from feeling inadequate, not cool enough, rejected, unwanted. I was 13 back then and had just moved to a new town. I didn’t have any friends in the new place and I blamed myself for not making connections fast enough. I felt that no one will want to be friends with me. I was ashamed that it was such a struggle for me. I felt that other people would make friends much more easily. But I put on a front that said “I don’t care. I don’t want to be friends with any of you anyway”. I kept feeding myself this lie because if I stopped, the pain of feeling rejected would have been too great. Just to be clear, avoiding those thoughts did not make me feel any better. I still felt like a failure, even though I didn’t verbalize it.
As the time went by, I became so overwhelmed that I felt I had to open up. I had to tell someone that I felt ashamed of myself. But I couldn’t. I feared that telling anyone how I really felt would give them the right to look down on me.
Finally, my disappointment with myself became so great that it had to be released. The world had to know what a loser I really was. Of course, I wasn’t brave enough to tell anyone I knew, so I created a blog. One of those that you can open in minutes. The post depicted in vivid detail all of my scrupulously hidden, depressing, shameful thoughts. I went on and on about not being good enough, pretty enough, cool enough. I wrote down everything. I admitted that I was scared that this is who I really was. That I lie to myself hoping for the best, but everyone around me can see right through me and that they know I don’t like myself either. This was 15 years ago, but I remember the relief I felt when I clicked “publish”. Suddenly, all of these thoughts lost their power over me. I felt that I can finally accept myself the way I was and move on.
It is scary to admit who you really are beneath the appearances you create to delude not even others, but mainly yourself. We ALL want to feel good about ourselves. The reason we continuously strive for more is to finally feel that we are enough. But the truth is, we are always enough! We always were and always will be. We are enough just because we exist. We are worthy of love and acceptance and if no one else wants to give this to you, YOU should give it to yourself! It’s your birth right. Once you start loving yourself, everyone else will follow.
Not surprisingly, I was wrong about not being able to make friends with new people. Shortly after I published that post (which was under a different name, and I am sure no one ever read it), I became friends with the coolest pack of girls in that town. When I released my fears, when I finally let go (and by doing so I lowered the resistance) everything I wanted came flying to me.
The thing here is that you really are not those things, those things are just your fears, but they hold you hostage until you face them. And you can’t face them if you first don’t admit you feel fearful or ashamed.
What would happen if you would let your fears out and made peace with them? Lots and lots of scary things? No, the exact opposite. It will will set you free. You will find great relief in being CLEAR about what scares you, what exactly makes you feel ashamed, guilty or fearful. I promise that once you pour your heart out on that paper, you will come to accept yourself like never before. And all those fears will look so much smaller, less scary and totally manageable. You will come up with solutions that would never come to you if you haven’t been true with yourself. You will let go of things that don’t serve you and you will find the power within you to go after your dreams. Being true with yourself will give you the courage to see things “how they really are, not worse than they are.”*
So let’s be brave! Grab that paper and start writing away!