Wayne Dyer once said: “You don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are”.
In order to attract what we want, we need to understand that we are constantly attracting things and people that match our vibration. There is no way around it. I knew this all along, but I believed that this was true only some percent of the time. I failed to see how this could always be true as many of the things that were happening to me had nothing to do with the wayIwas. At least I didn’t see any connection.
So, how does it work?
The premise is that if you’re jealous you might bring about experiences that will test your jealously (meaning: more reasons to get jealous), if you are judgemental, you will encounter a lot of situations that will offend you. Similarly, if you are being grateful, you will receive more things and situations to be grateful for, if you are kind to people, this will be the treatment you receive from others, if you want to find a loyal and loving partner, you first need to become loyal and loving to match their vibration.
This is how you find your person – you have to BECOME what you are looking for.
But there’s a catch and this is what I failed to see. Even if you are the greatest person ever, you may risk attracting someone who does not match you. Is this because you don’t deserve better? Is this because you are not good enough yet? No. Even if you posses all of the qualities that you are looking for in the other person, you may find someone who displays the complete opposite of what you want in a partner. We just established that you attract “what you are”, so how is it possible to attract something that you’re not? The answer is simple: everything that you fear, despise, or have any strong feelings about IS what you are. You are those things because you hold them in your vibration. This is why you need to do some work to clean your vibration before you start working on attracting your amazing match.
What are you afraid of? Is there something about being in a relationship that scares you?
What are your scars? Are you afraid to be cheated on, again? Are you afraid of becoming a pushover? Are you afraid of having your heart broken? As long as those thoughts are still in you, you won’t be able to manifest a happy, healthy, sustainable relationship. Remember that we attract what we focus on – and our emotions show us where our focus lies. If you feel uncomfortable, scared, fearful or dread that something bad will happen, you better know that you are on your way to attracting just that. Fear is a powerful emotion and such strong energy has a massive point of attraction. When you get sucked in, remind yourself that the more you scare yourself, the more energy you give towards manifesting what you don’t want. You are feeding a monster. You are making it stronger. You are helping your fears manifest itself in your life. Do you really want that?! CHANGE YOUR FOCUS! (and your emotions will tell you if you are successful).
Fears are tricky. Trickier than you would think. I learned that it is a misconception to believe that we can only attract the direct thought. Let’s say that someone fears that all men cheat. What are the possible outcomes?
This will be true their world, and they will find themselves in many situations that will confirm this belief;
They will attract a man who cheats.
There’s more. You may attract a person who is as scared as you are. Someone who will project YOUR fears back on YOU.
To give you an example, ever since my first real relationship ended, I was deeply and utterly scared of being cheated on again. I knew the law, so I tried to push those thoughts away knowing that I may bring it about just by fearing it. The law worked well, I’ve come across an abundance of men who were cheating in their relationships. I’ve seen numerous failed marriages, and heard stories of women who have been betrayed. The world (my world) shifted to accommodate my beliefs. When dating, I would put an emphasis on finding a “trustworthy” man. Imagine my surprise when I found one!! I couldn’t believe my luck when I met this man: handsome, intelligent, funny, smart, sexy, and most of all loyal, faithful, dedicated, committed – how could I be this lucky?? I was beyond happy. Also, it seemed that the law spared me from having to experience my deepest fear! I felt so safe with this man. He had my complete trust. I knew he is not like all the other men out there. He had my whole heart, loyalty and devotion from day one. Nothing could go wrong, or so I thought! Soon enough, my deepest fear did come to the surface. The Universe didn’t fail to deliver after all. Just that my fear did not manifest itself in the way I would have ever had expected. I did not find him cheating on me. He was loyal throughout our whole relationship. What went wrong was that I attracted exactly what I WAS. I was never a cheater, I was the most dedicated girl you could find. But I was harbouring a deep-seeded fear of rejection and betrayal. I was vigilant of red flags like no one ever, I didn’t want to get blindsided, e.v.e.r again. All of this was living in me, even if I didn’t know it consciously.
So the Universe found me a man who projected all of my inner fears on ME. All of my paranoia was now dumped on me to deal with. All of those feelings were still lingering in me, even though I thought they went away when I put my full trust in this amazing man. But in reality, I’ve been collecting those fears for years. They wouldn’t just magically disappear if I didn’t make a conscious effort to remove them. The Universe wanted to burn out all that was impure in me by placing me on the receiving end of such fears. It wanted to show me how unhealthy it was to keep holding on to those thoughts and feelings, how unhealthy it is to generalize and expect the worst. I experienced how it is to be called the “most untrustworthy” person or to be unfairly accused of being disloyal and disrespectful. All of this is on me, though. It’s nothis fault. He was reacting to situations that I brought into our life. All of those situations were orchestrated in such a way that would give him reasons to doubt me. Any sane person would. If the fears were not in me, our relationship would never need to go through this. There would be nothing to heal and we would have a far better chance at succeeding. My past fears stand behind separating me from this amazing man who I wanted to call my husband.
Fear can ruin your life, but fear is not real.
It is just a collection of scary thoughts that you’re allowing yourself to think. If you buy into them, they grow stronger and cause you to project your own fears onto others. To do that is unfair, it is your problem. Yes, there are situations where we are right to blame others for their behaviour or walk away, but whether we like it or not, those situations are always steaming from our very own thoughts – thoughts that we CAN control. We can consciously work on thinking better thoughts, and as a result, avoid having to experience unwanted lessons. The difficult relationship I was in taught me not to generalize, not to come up with assumptions, not to look for red flags where there aren’t any. The Universe knew that I needed to learn how to release this deep-seeded fear, and it forced me to start working on it. It’s a work in progress, but I know that if I don’t learn now, the Universe will just deliver again. It never fails, believe me. It knows what’s in you better than you know it yourself.
and if you heal, the things that you lost, but were meant for you, may even come back…